Living in France Sucks
And other outrageous ideas.
First of all, I would like to extend my condolences and concern for LA and my Angelino friends. I lived in Los Angeles for ten years and it is a vibrant, beautiful place full of amazing, talented artists and kind people. It is devastating to see the destruction and loss. If you want to make a donation, here are some sources.
Today’s newsletter is about unrest in the American community here in France. (Notice that I did not say “ex-pat community.” This term is out of favor with its connotations of colonialism and foreigners who stick with their habits as tenaciously as peanut butter sticks to sliced bread.)
The community was set off in November by an article on CNN.com called “Too much grief and no joy: This couple plans to return to the US after their dream life in France became a ‘nightmare.’”
The subject is an American woman named Joanne who dared to declare that France sucks. I laughed at it, reading choice quotes aloud to Roberto, but I had no idea how big it would become. Several other outlets picked it up, and it was shared on every Americans in France page on Facebook.
People were so caught up in it that when we went to a gathering two days after the election, people talked about the article and not Trump!
Why did it piss off so many people?
Joanna explains that she and her husband had lived abroad previously in London and loved it, but the UK was too expensive so they decided to try out France. Anyone who reads our newsletter knows that we struggle all the time with the French system, the language, the slowness and heft of the bureaucracy.
But Joanne has complaints that none of us saw coming.
The food. Joanne says that yes France is famous for its food but who can eat brie, paté, and croissants all day? (spoiler: me.) But I don’t know anyone French or American who eats these things daily. Plus, the food we eat here is fresh and not ultra-processed. Her insistance that you can’t eat healthy here is bonkers.
A fabulously fresh open faced smoked salmon sandwich available around our corner. The produce. She claims that the produce here is not good, which was the biggest laugh line for the people who live here. She can’t find parsley and claims the celery is “limp.” Here is some disgusting produce from our local open air market:
The lack of community. Joanne likes to be social and has a busy life with friends in the US. She finds the people here unfriendly and complains that the only people she talks to all day are at the grocery store. Joanne then reveals that she has not “really found time to hunker down and start (learning French).” But in a very clever move she has also decided she “doesn’t necessarily want to hang around with expats” as “that’s not exactly why we came on this adventure.” So you won’t learn French but you don’t want to hang out with the people who speak English?
This is the epitome of the obnoxious American who refuses to learn the language and then gets angry when they are misunderstood. She claims she did a ton of preparation before they moved here, but one would think she would’ve considered opening Duolingo once or twice.
As far as the French being unfriendly? We have found the opposite to be true. Just last night I met our French neighbor Jane for the first time. She has an adorable chihuahua named Marcel (for nearly two years I have called the chihuahua Ice Pick because of his piercing bark when I walk by.) Jane had heard about what happened to Rudy. She could not have been nicer or more sympathetic, and she said that anytime we needed her, she was available to help out with our pets. It was the first time we had met!
The bureaucracy. This may be the only thing that I cannot refute. Roberto and I don’t get as frustrated with the red tape as we get frustrated with hearing different answers to the same question. We have (tried) to be more zen and accept that things simply take more time here to accomplish. However, if this couple were open to talking to Americans they would find a fount of information since we are all dealing with the same things!
Joanne complains about many nonsensical things, but why was the backlash against her SO virulent?
I have my theories.
The timing. Since the election more and more Americans are considering moving abroad, and there have been a multitude of articles on the topic. I think CNN and other outlets were delighted to have an opposing view, and I think some Americans were relieved to hear that life in France is not a fantasy that they are missing out on.
Embarrassment. Most of us who have made the move abroad spend a lot of time on our language and social skills. I shudder to think of the impression of Americans Joanne has been creating all over town.
She hit a nerve. Moving abroad is tough. Making new friends is tough. Becoming comfortable and happy in a new place is tough. The French bureaucracy sucks merde. But once you have made the choice to move, most of us dig in to make it happen. I suspect many people don’t want to consider that they could just give up and go back.
What is happiness? France is not a magic cure all for one’s problems. Wherever you go, there you are (I think maybe Big Bird said that?) Perhaps Joanne’s complaints made Americans here consider their own satisfaction with life abroad.
When I lived in New York in my twenties friends started to leave the city as we got older. New Yorkers always seemed very defensive about these moves: I could NEVER leave New York. They’ll be back. Just you wait. New York City is hard living, even at its best. To live there you need to believe that it is worth it.
I think the same is true for living abroad. It is challenging to be uncomfortable, to frequently feel stupid and uninformed. Making new friends takes time and energy. You have to strongly believe your efforts will pay off.
In the end, Joanne has taught us that it might not be the best idea to come to France, buy an apartment, ship over your car, furniture, and cat before you have spent real time here. Maybe rent for a month or two? And for the love of God, learn some French!
Jusqu’à la prochaine fois,
Carolyn & Roberto
I’m an American who’s lived and worked in Germany for over 20 years, and when I first saw the news item back in November 2024, I found their attitude very hubristic.
For someone in their mid-70s to think that one can just “hunker down and learn French”, is as preposterous as being a being an art teacher your whole life and then suddenly declaring that you’re going to “hunker down and learn physics” and get a job at NASA. There’s a reason it’s called “native speaker” or “mother tongue” … it takes a lifetime to master. People in the States love the trope of the still-heavily-accented immigrant Italian restauranteur with-a-da Mario and-a-da Luigi-a accent, but never thought for a second about how it might feel one’s self to never be able to speak the language “properly”. I reached C1 level and still the first thing most Germans want to do when talking with me is switch to English … even if theirs is crappier than my German.
Also, no one’s going to get your pop culture references/analogies from ‘60s and ‘70s American TV. No one grew up reading your mainstream newspapers and magazines either, so expect to express yourself in less flowery terms … there’s a reason all those UN assemblies always sound so boring. And it’s not their job to cheerfully befriend foreigners any more than you felt compelled to do so yourself in the States. Many adult introductions and friendships revolve around a couple of decades of one’s own shared educational experiences, and then another couple of decades via one’s kids … that’s half a normal lifespan right there. You can’t parachute in at 75 and expect red carpets instantly rolled out any more than you were rolling them out back home.
Perhaps they moved to a too-small city to expect a Whole Foods produce experience. As stated in the article, Nîmes has 137,000 people; that's Lafayette Louisiana or Abiline Texas. It's in the deep south of France, and not quite on the Languedoc Coast, which in turn isn't exactly the Côte d'Azur; that's sort of like comparing Gulf Coast to the Atlantic Coast of Florida ... or the Jersey Shore to The Hamptons. Nîmes is farther away from Paris than Los Angeles is from San Francisco. They come across like New York mobsters relocated to the midwest in the Witness Protection Program who then endlessly complain that they can’t get a good bagel or slice of pizza.
Other countries have different safety and emissions standards for cars, and their own domestic car industries to protect and support, so no one makes it easy to import a US spec car (many of which don’t have amber indicators, foglights, Autobahn-grade running gear, etc. in the first place). Just try to import a modern European car that isn’t NHTSA-crash tested into the US … it’s met with an equal lack of enthusiasm.
I also don’t think European government agencies are necessarily more bureacratic than they are in the US, it’s just that they’re already busy enough to not be overjoyed when people not proficient in what’s often technical language rock up and expect service with a smile. Same for doctors and insurance companies; “oh, great, a couple of American oldsters … bet that’ll be a blast :-( “
Taxes are high because they’re investing in education and infrastructure for the next generation, and if you expect to be more luxuriously cared for in your dotage, well, you never really had any skin in the game societally, so why should they be overjoyed that some retired American couple wants to drop in, clip US Social Security coupons instead of having worked and made lifelong local insurance, social, and pension contributions, and then endlessly complain about the tax wedge? That’s exactly what cruise ships do, and why the locals increasingly want to keep them out.
Moving and living abroad is the ultimate luxury good. Expecting to do so on a Motel 6 budget and then complaining that it’s not The Ritz doesn’t elicit a lot of sympathy.
Another CNN story about how life in Europe sucks!
“After a while, I got really tired and grossed out with the Spaniard food,” she says, noting that there’s a little “more variety” in bigger cities such as Madrid and Barcelona. “You’re just like, ‘Okay, I’m done with the French fries… I’m done with the seafood.’ It’s like seafood for everything.”
https://edition.cnn.com/travel/american-woman-relocates-to-spain-but-returns-home/index.html