Tu peux vraiment me comprendre?
Can you really understand me?
One of the hardest parts of being abroad and speaking a new language is wondering if you’ll ever be able to be express your whole true self. For example, in Austin, I write snarky political songs for my band, which are too local to Texas and the States to work in France. I write novels that haven’t been translated to French. My graphic novel on Substack is made with AI and is a story about AI. The book is so meta that I can barely describe it in English.
In Paris in 1997, I briefly dated a French guys who spoke no English. My French at that time basically only allowed me to communicate like a five year old. The relationship did not and could not last because I couldn’t get past that he liked me without really knowing me. (I didn’t want to be part of a club that would have me as a member, and all that).
My French has improved a lot since then, and now I probably communicate like a, I don’t know, ten year old? What is the most I can accomplish in my lifetime? Sixteen?Fingers crossed, twenty?
To be happy, must we be the same person in every language we speak? My delightful friend David Divita wrote an entire thesis about how we are different people in different languages—each culture and language brings out different sides of us. Even another country that speaks the same language, like England, can alter your personality. After having spent more than a year living and working in London, I was in love with phrases I feel have no fun equivalent in American English, such as “winding up,” “skint," “knackered,” “cheeky,” and “dodgy.”
I still use these phrases in my mind even when I don’t say them out loud (Americans hate hearing slang and accents coming from old friends. It comes across as affectation, like Bar-they-lona.)
Some people who move abroad swear they will not hang out with other expats because they want to fully integrate into the local culture. I am all for this, but it can be exhausting to feel like you’re only sharing a tiny percentage of who you are. I need friends I can speak to about complex ideas. I also need to make them laugh. I only make the French laugh when I say something like “une longue queue” which I thought meant a long line, but actually means a long Johnson.
I am now on a 1066 day streak on Duolingo. I know this is a lot of days, but, believe me, if you find yourself needing to make a call to the French electricity company, you too will quickly dedicate yourself to Duolingo. I have a score of 126 and the course finishes at 130 (some languages go into the C1 level, but for some reason French does not).
The good news for any of you who are intimidated by French is that all the fancy new apps allow you to find a way of learning that suits you best. I taught ESL for several years and in my training I learned that people learn language by seeing it, hearing it, saying it, and doing it. So you if you are trying to learn the word for "bike” (velo) you should see it written down, hear someone say it, say it yourself and then, ideally, walk around the room pretending to be on a bike while saying velo.
I am personally a visual learner, and I do better with, say, a picture of a bike than I do hearing someone say it over and over. I also enjoy the quick matchup games that help with vocabulary. They work a thousand times better than flashcards ever did.
Last month our tutor, Aicha Louzir (aicha.louzir@gmail.com) whom we have raved about many times, instructed me to listen or watch to something in French every day. So Roberto and I watched a French show on Apple TV called Carême, about a chef/spy who cooks for Napoleon. After only one week of watching it, Aisha commented that my French was sounding much better. I have also started listening to News in Slow French and the Duolingo podcast.
The main piece of advice I have for you today is that even if you are intimidated you must dive in, because one day you will wake up and realize that you really like speaking French. My own realization has taken me nearly forty years, but how satisfying to make progress up a mountain you considered unscalable!
I aim to make more and more French friends as my French improves, which will involve learning more colloquialisms and a buttload of idioms (yes, “buttload” is very sophisticate American slang).
Here are some of my favorites French phrases I have learned recently.
les chiens ne font pas des chats (Dogs do not make cats) = the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
une poule mouillée (a wet hen) = a coward or wimp
une grasse matinee (a fat morning) = A lazy morning
pisse-froid (cold piss) = a wet blanket or killjoy
sourire du plombier (smile of the plumber) = the view you get when a plumber is squatting
une aventure = an adulterous affair. Don't you find it interesting that this word seems so light and fun? I had a little adventure. Désolé, ma cherie.
Jusqu’à la prochaine fois, (until next time)
Carolyn & Roberto
Learning French resources
Superfluent- highly recommend! FREE
Lingopie- for watching TV
Duolingo App-FREE and paid versions
Duolingo Podcast- recommend! It offers interviews with interesting people all over France, such as the man who is considered the expert on crepe making or the female cyclist who began a female Tour de France. FREE
Quizlet App - flashcards on your phone
Reverso - better and more detailed translations than Google Translate
Google Translate App - FREE
French Word of the Day (plus news from France in English)
Learning French with Alexa - Blog and Podcast FREE
News In Slow French - available in multi-levels
For more about the challenges of learning French, you can check out these posts:
My traumatic experiences in high school and then theater school in Paris
Mistakes that have left me mortified.
The aggravation of daily tasks in another language
Roberto talks about learning French from square one
My current favorite French expression: jus de chaussette, referring to a subpar espresso.
Thanks for this post! I move through my small French village feeling, at times, unknowable and generally unknowing. My French friends and neighbors accept, forgive, and encourage. I pursue French doggedly with my hearing impairment. I marvel at the children I meet. Their French is so good! ;)
Boy oh boy can I relate! Excellent post and resources 😊