Are You Adventurous Enough to Move Abroad?

Do you have to be?

I’m obsessed with the roofscapes in Montpellier.

People often remark that Carolyn and I are “courageous” or “adventurous” for uprooting ourselves and taking on a new city, new language, and new customs. As much as I’d like to believe that about myself (and us as a couple) I’m not sure it’s entirely true.

As Carolyn mentioned in last week’s post, I grew up in a military family. Moving to a new place was just part of normal life for me. Both my siblings have children and have rooted themselves in more or less one place for decades; I (childless) continued to move regularly. Doing what you’ve always done is the opposite of courageous, it’s habit. Here’s a quick list of the places I’ve lived from childhood through now:

• Norfolk, Virginia (born)

• Quonset Point, Rhode Island

• Pensacola, Florida

• Roosevelt Roads/Fajardo, Puerto Rico

• Fort Washington, Maryland

• Vienna, Virginia (two different houses in 3 years)

• Austin, Texas (college)

• Eugene, Oregon (college)

• New York, NY (seven different apartments in 15 years!)

• Sukadana, Borneo, Indonesia

• Traverse City and Saginaw, Michigan (split time between the two)

• Winooski/Burlington, Vermont

• Austin, TX

• Montpellier, France

I admit, it’s a long list. Carolyn’s list is similarly long.

Village kids under the shade tree in my yard, Sukadana, Borneo

For those of you who have moved abroad or are contemplating moving abroad: do you feel adventurous? For those of you who are on the fence, I doubt you feel that you lack courage, but what is holding you back? I suspect expense and family are big factors, but at some level does the sheer enormity of the change hold you back? What specifically about the potential change gives you pause?

Indulge me in one more question: As you contemplate(d) moving abroad, what factors aside from expense and family obligations are the biggest obstacles? A new language? New customs? Uncertainty around taxes? Making new friends?

Visiting my neighbors in Sukadana, Borneo

For me the biggest fear was learning a new language. I’ve learned languages in the past, but never to the point of fluency. My father’s first language was Spanish, and he actively discouraged us from learning Spanish as kids. Small wonder, being Latino was a liability for him as a kid and young adult. Consequently my Spanish is basic to fair, and my Italian (which at one point was nearing fluency) has been neglected for decades. While living in Borneo, I was good enough with Bahassa Indonesia to communicate with my housekeeper and have very simple conversations with the nice ladies who ran the local restaurant.

Indonesia was the most daunting move I’ve ever made, but a lot was tied up in that move: I was quitting a great job in NYC, selling my loft, and moving literally half way around the world where they spoke a completely unfamiliar language unrelated to any language I had studied in the past.

Worker taking a break in the “downtown” area of Sukadana, Borneo.

As we thought about taking up residence in France, I realized that I doubted my ability to become fluent in another language. My fear was based on my failure to have become truly bilingual with my past efforts and concern that it would be even harder in late middle-age. I’m feeling more confident now, thanks to our tutor and consistent practice with DuoLingo. I shop at the market every day and interact with people on the street; I get through my lessons with the tutor, only resorting to English once or twice in an hour (instead of every five minutes); and I’ve had two successful visits to our French veterinary office! Fluency seems like a matter of time now (I accept that I’ll never pass for native).

Me in my “office” - Sukadana, Indonesia (2010 or 2011). There was no barber in town.

I’m looking forward to reading your answers to my earlier questions. Comments on Substack are like birthdays on Facebook: the best part!

• Do you consider yourself courageous? If so, in what way - there’s lots of ways to be courageous and maybe your particular flavor leads you to some other pursuit.

• Whether you have moved abroad or are considering it: what aside from cost and family obligations, are your biggest fears about moving abroad, what holds you back or gives you pause?

Jusqu’à la prochaine fois (until next time)

Roberto & Carolyn

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