Are We The Same Person in Another Language?
Carolyn's new French self
I am and have always been a bad negotiator. I panic and agree to a price or salary much too quickly. I was once visiting the market in Marrakesh with a friend who is brilliant at haggling, and when she saw me “negotiate” the price of a rug down only $10 she said with disgust, “You are such a WASP.”
So it is with delight and surprise that I’m discovering I’m a much better negotiator in French. Is it because my French is so good that I can say the proper ooh la la or bah or hein at exactly the right moment? On the contrary, it is because my French is so mediocre that I am able to be a hard ass for the first time in my life.
In English when I’m discussing terms, I unwittingly use a lot of phrases that seem to soften my determination: it’s possible, I believe, I think, I could, it would be better if. (Let’s blame my polite Southern upbringing.) In French these phrases require the use of the subjunctive tense, which I am not yet confident enough to use.
The result is that my sentences come out as facts and not opinions. Instead of “I believe that I might be able to pay you $300” the phrase comes out “I will pay you $300.” This kind of flat, straightforward statement is unheard of in my communications in English. The frankness would feel rude. And God forbid that I am rude when talking about money!
American women are frequently taught at an early age to always be nice and not to piss anyone off. This “niceness” during salary negotiations can screw us over as we worry that being too tough will offend the employer and cost us the job. This only adds to our horrible pay gap.
I have to wonder if French women negotiate better than we do. They are not taught to smile all the time—being nice to everyone is a very American idea. In fact, Americans who walk around smiling all day come across as slightly deranged to the French. The good news is that no French stranger will ever say, “Smile, sweetheart.”
I have been writing about my misadventures with the French language for nearly two years now. People say that you know you are becoming fluent when you dream in another language. I have not started to dream in French but I have started to dream about French. I do versions of Duolingo while I sleep. And when I do word puzzles like Wordle and the Spelling Bee, I see French words within the choices.
But I am still far from fluent. I was speaking in French with a man from Congo. After around ten minutes he said, “Your French is very good. You just use the wrong words.”
Misunderstandings in a new language are frustrating, but at least they are very fun in the retelling. My French teacher was born in Tunisia and has a degree in French translation, but even she doesn’t understand every nuance of French interactions. She had a boyfriend who sent her a text that said Je m’ennuie de toi which she translated as “I’m bored of you.” Shocked by such a cruel breakup, she cried for two days until he texted again saying, “What’s up? Why I haven’t I heard from you?” She told him that she’d assumed he never wanted to see her again. He had to explain that Je m’ennuie de toi means “I am bored of being without you,” so basically “I miss you.”
Oh French, you complicated vixen.
there is so much humor in our efforts to speak in another language we English speakers will be laughing the rest of our lives while attempting to speak French (and getting feedback from the French)
Avoir une seconde langue, c'est posséder une seconde âme. ~ Charlemagne.